Our Words can build up and our words can tear down. What do you want to be known for in your home? I say, “In your home” because we as fallen humans tend to put our best foot forward in public. We tend to NOT show our real self until we are at home, in our comfort zone. My husband has said in sermons before, “When you squeeze an orange, what do you get?” Well, in public we will show some amount of self control and start the process of seething on the inside, and then we juice all over everyone when we get home. What is in our hearts and minds will come out, and it is usually with those we love and care for the most, our family. God has given us many commands and instructions on how to control or “bridle” our tongue. Why? Because it is something that can be used as a tool to build up or a tool to destroy. Proverbs 18:21 (KJV) Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

I know that I am not the only one who struggles in this area. My heart without Christ is deceitful. Jerimiah 17:9 KJV “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Thank the Lord that He does not leave us there. In our surrender to Him, He changes our heart and then changes our words. Will we fail? As my kids would say, “DUH!” Yes, we will fail, our family members will fail, our friends will fail, and those we look up to will fail; but God has given us forgiveness, so we can in turn forgive and ask for forgiveness. 

Being a stay at home mom and a home school teacher, I spend approximately 50-60% of my day interacting with my children in some way. I can read when my children are happy, discouraged, upset, stressed, hurting, and so on. To a certain extent, and with maturity, my children can read the same things in me. I am their teacher in many ways. I lead and teach by example. My words can build up or tear down. My attitude and actions can build up or tear down. The way I fail, repent (or not repent), and ask for forgiveness (or not ask for forgiveness), can build up or tear down. Here are some things I ask myself before I speak in frustration, stress, or anger. 

-Does this matter for eternity?

-Does this encourage others to grow in Christ?

-Does this tie strings of love and relationship?

-Does this cut or tear ties of love and relationship?

-Does this bring Glory to God?

-Does this bring peace?

-Do my words and actions show the love of Christ?

This is a good scripture to pray before speaking. Psalm 141:3 “Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.” God is faithful to give us the wisdom to shut our mouths and ask for guidance also. We do not have to have the last word. We do not want the last word, because sometimes that includes cutting or tearing strings of love and relationship. I believe silence is better than cutting that string. My pride wants everyone to know that I am right. Well, we know what the Lord our Savior thinks about pride. Proverbs 29:23 KJV “A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.” and Philippians 2:3 “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves.” You can also look up Mark 7:20-23, where Jesus tells us what truly makes us unclean. 

Since silence is one of my options, here are the ways I can decide if I should keep my mouth shut: (Proverbs 20:3, 1 Peter 3:10, and James 3:8) 

-If my words will damage a friendship or a relationship. (Proverbs 16:28,Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 15:1) 

-When I don’t have all the facts. (Proverbs 18:13)

-When I haven’t verified the story. (Deuteronomy 17:6 )

-When I am tempted to make light of holy things. (Ecclesiastes 5:2) 

-If the issue is none of my business. (Proverbs 14:10) 

-If my words will damage someone else’s reputation. (Proverbs 16:27)

-If my words will be a poor reflection of the Lord on my family and friends. (1 Peter 2: 21-23)

Let us all ask the Lord to set a watch over our tongues so that we can build our homes up with our words. That we will be able to use our words in a way to tie strings of love and relationship, and to also speak the truth in love. Then we will see our homes as sanctuaries of peace and safety. In our example, our children will surrender to the Lord Jesus and learn to use their words wisely. You may say, “My son, my daughter, my husband, or someone else is not using their words as God would want,” but God wants me to look at my heart first. Set a watch over MY tongue.

Samantha Mathis